Category Archives: Bad Music

Shaggs Part Two

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Frankly, any discussion of The Shaggs must begin with My Pal Foot Foot which you’ll find on many “Worst Song Of All-Time” lists. I love this video version, actually one of my very favorite music videos period:

By the way, that creature running around is Foot Foot, drawn by one of the girls as part of the album art. We always assumed it’s supposed to be a cat.

The first Shaggs album is like nothing else. It adheres to very, very few musical conventions. It’s truly its own thing. I don’t know if these girls’ parents kept them trapped in a closet or what, but what they invented is a different animal (Foot Foot?).

I’ve often thought of how difficult it would be to cover one of these songs in a band – not a new rendition – but attempting to copy The Shaggs note-for-note, rhythm for rhythm. I suspect it would be next to impossible.

However, these girls know what they’re doing in their own little world of their own little invention. They clearly rehearsed these songs before recording them in their dad’s studio. There are stops, starts, planned part patterns in the songs, background vocals, etc. But just concentrate on the drum part in Foot Foot to get a flavor of how crazy this invention is. The drummer executes this strange combination of snare drum, clicking on the side of the drum and cymbals. It’s other-worldly.

The more The Shaggs progressed (they made at least two more albums, I believe), the more musical conventions crept in, making initial listenings more tolerable, but never quite capturing that insane “something” on the first album.

As for other renditions, I own a fairly obscure Shaggs tribute album called Better Than The Beatles: A Tribute To The Shaggs. Most of it adds at least a little bit of traditional musicality to the Shaggs’ own world and some turns out pretty good. I noticed today that now-somewhat-mainstream Deerhoof actually does the Foot Foot cover. Back when I bought the album years ago, Deerhoof wasn’t any more recognizable to me than the other bands.

I’ll leave you with Philosophy Of The World by Ida. Lawr often uses the term “haunting.” I think this is pretty haunting and the lyrics are actually quite profound.

Breakfast Blend: Peter Callandar is Dead.

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When I think of the worst song of all time I think of two songs that played incessantly in the storm window factory I worked in the summer after I graduated from high school. That would be Paper Lace’s “The Night Chicago Died” and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods’ “Billy Don’t Be A Hero.” Both had lyrics written by the Englishman Peter Callander, may he rest in peace. The music for these two 1974 No. 1 hits can be credited to Mitch Murray. It should be noted that Paper Lace did a version of Billy Don’t Be a Hero that is not as good as the Heywoods’ version.

Night Music: Zager and Evans, “The Candy Machine”

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It never occurred to me (until tonight) to dig deep in the oeuvre of Zager and Evans, who are known almost entirely for their No. 1 hit song in 1969, In the Year 2525. Zager and Evans are famous for being one of the only bands to have a No. 1 and never having another charting single.

But Zager and Evans did not just disappear. And they were not forgotten. This song was apparently used in a movie that had Jack Black in it. And a YouTube commenter said this:

Screenshot 2014-03-08 23.07.12

So Zager and Evans are immortal for smart dancing.

Lawr Michaels Hates These Songs (most of which have to do with Martin Luther King)

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You may, too. I’m not here to argue that they’re great music. But I think they’re pretty spunky pop songs, and for some reason Lawr picked them out of thin air and created a pantheon of my bad taste.

But maybe you don’t know about them.

Royal Guardsmen, “Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron”

History is a deep well of ideas for stories and songs. This song borrows a rather odd story from the Peanuts comic strip to tell the story of the greatest fighter pilot if World War I, the war to end all wars, and how he was vanquished by a cartoon beagle whose best friend was named Woodstock. With harmonies and sound effects, and Snoopy of course, who at the time was big. Irresistible. As a 10 year old I don’t think I thought much about the copyright implications of using a character created by someone else in a pop song. But the writers were sued by Charles Schulz, the creator of Snoopy, and United Features Syndicate, which sold the strips to newspapers, and lost, and ended up giving up all publishing royalties to Snoopy’s creator. Ouch.

Fun fact: Co writer Dick Holler’s other big hit song was “Abraham, Martin and John,” performed by Dion. Martin Luther King fact No. 1.

Bobby Goldsboro, “Honey”

This is not rock in any shape or form. It’s Lawrence Welk crossed with some kind of kitchen sink melodrama, shaped by Jeff Koons. I like the plain spoken words, which don’t overreach while drawing grandiosely from a vocabulary of knee jerk emotion. Rain falling on kittens? Go away. The song was written by a guy named Bobby Russell, whose other hits were Little Green Apples and The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia, two other songs Lawr probably hates.

Fun fact: Honey hit No. 1 on the Billboard charts the week Martin Luther King was murdered. Martin Luther King fact No. 2.

Strawberry Alarm Clock, “incense and Peppermints”

The Strawberry Alarm Clock are still touring and recording. This, thier first single, has some of the sound of a Door’s song, but it also has sweet backing vocals, skrunky guitar breaks, pentatonic piano backups, and a lot of other fake psychedelic effects, ending with a sweet Cowsills-like harmony. It is all going to be alright.

Fun fact: The band’s drummer worked up a jet system attached to his wrists, so it looked like his hands were on fire while he played.

After their No. 1 experience they were scheduled to go on tour with the Beach Boys and Buffalo Springfield, but many dates in the south were cancelled after Martin Luther king was killed. MLK fact No. 3.

Norman Greenbaum, “Spirit In the Sky”

I was going to write a lot about the guitars and the backup singers. Norman’s plain and straight-forward vocals, and the song’s clean melody. It’s a rhythmic stomp, a dark harbinger, and an inspiration even if you’re an unbeliever, all at once. But it’s the killer guitar sound and the gospel singers backing it up that make it work. But then I saw the video. Wow. There is that Jesus stuff, but Norman was a good Jewish boy trying to write some Gospel music, and he succeeded. Though for me it isn’t the gospel, it’s the sound, which is pretty unusual for AM radio hits.

Bob Dylan is another Jewish boy to write praise songs for the Lord. FWIW.

I’m told the song is used to introduce the Angels of Anaheim before their home games. Good choice.

And then there is Martin Luther King fact No. 4.

Zager and Evans, “In the Year 2525”

Totally catchy, but totally ridiculous. I’m embarrassed for ever having suggested this had any redeeming value. Fun fact: It was knocked off the No. 1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 by the Stones Honkey Tonk Women.

Plus, there is no Zager and Evans and Martin Luther King connection. How can that be?

Night Music: The Rolling Stones, “Gimme Shelter”

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This may be the most iconic Stones song. But in a recent concert in Newark they invited Lady Gaga to join in.

I like Lady Gaga as an artist. Her songs and performances are often powerful.

And I think she sings great in this clip. But she isn’t Merry Clayton and these Stones aren’t those Stones. All things considered, Lady Gaga is a plus. And so was Taylor Swift.

Crazy.

(Morning Music: Reading this in the light of day, I realize I didn’t make my point. What I said I meant, but what I didn’t say (except by using the Bad Music category) I also meant. This is terrible.)

Bad Night Music: Alice Cooper, “Poison”

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I was an Alice Cooper fan when I aspired to be Eighteen. I remember reading the Rolling Stone profile of Alice that centered on a golf course and a limitless supply of Michelobs, and that was the dream. I loved golf and I drank beer, both as much as I could, just like Alice Cooper.

Fast forward 15 or so years, and Alice lands on a song that he can deliver, while it delivers pretty much every crap hair band cliche in the world. That Alice Cooper turned this into a hit is a tribute to his theatricality (gotta love the red flag flying in the video as well as all the skin) and a really good hook from Desmond Childs. But in the end, crap is crap. So be it.


Alice Cooper – Poison (uncensored) by STEPHEUROPE