Ignored             Obscured              Restored

This past week has been very difficult. A loved one was hospitalized, took a turn for the worse, entered hospice, and passed away last Monday.

Because I tend to live my life in song, my thoughts quickly went to R.E.M.’s “Try Not to Breathe” from Automatic for the People (1992).

Michael Stipe’s lyric is written from the perspective of someone on their deathbed, contemplating their final moments after choosing hospice rather than life-support machines.  Unable to communicate, the dying person’s internal thoughts are revealed:

I will try not to breathe
I can hold my head still with my hands at my knees
These eyes are the eyes of the old, shiver and fold

I will try not to breathe
This decision is mine
I have lived a full life
And these are the eyes that I want you to remember, oh

I need something to fly over my grave again
I need something to breathe

I will try not to burden you
I can hold these inside
I will hold my breath
Until all these shivers subside
Just look in my eyes

I will try not to worry you
I have seen things that you will never see
Leave it to memory me
I shudder to breathe

Stipe has said that the song was inspired by witnessing his grandmother’s death.

In addition to Stipe’s lyrics, the other band members contributed beautifully to the poignancy of the track.  Guitarist Peter Buck plays the dulcimer, giving the song its distinctive, trembling texture.  Bassist Mike Mills added a gorgeous countermelody, coming in at about 1:50.  In an interview with Devon Ivie of New York magazine, Mills recalled:

“So the countermelody I sing on “Try Not to Breathe” is one of my favorites because everybody else left. I’m in the studio and looking in the control room — I know there’s something that’s going to be good in this spot of the song. I try all these different things and I’m not finding it. And then I hit the right thing and I locked eyes with Scott McCaughey from 40 feet away. We just both knew that was the direction. It was very thrilling to have that moment.”

The song captures, with startling empathy, the anxiety and clarity that might fill the mind of someone living through their final moments on earth. It is both tremendously sad and quietly comforting.

Enjoy… until next week.